You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
