For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
