I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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