she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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