I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
