I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
