no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
