where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
