i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
