He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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