You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
