I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
