is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
