Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize