Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
