Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
