it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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