I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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