He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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