Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
