I faked an abortion last night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Operation Purity has been aborted
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize