funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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