so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
