ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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