Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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