I swear to god he's a one man village people.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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