Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
