Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
