i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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