Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
