Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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