It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize