i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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