Please, let me fuck your mom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
