Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
