I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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