I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
