So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
