I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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