i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
