I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
