you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
