Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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