I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize