It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
