You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
