my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
