I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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