Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize