Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize