never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
