I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
