let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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