She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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