I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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