I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize