As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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