you traded sex for a burrito?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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