got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
