were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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