Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
