Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
