Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
