Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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