i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize