its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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