I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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