I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
