I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
