you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
