she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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