this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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