not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
