shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
