"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
