He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
