Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
