Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize