I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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