Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
