dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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