first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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