In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
