My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
